The following are the modified version of what was discussed on the Rick's Journal videos.
Expectations
We have expectations for ourselves and so does our loved ones. One classic example is our parents having expectations of us going the "safe" route where kids go to school, get a degree and then get the job in that field. I'm sure everyone have heard of the life advice from their relatives and friends regarding their future.
One problem is, by trying to meet the expectation of your parents or other people, you are trying to become the person they want to see in you. You aren't being yourself and, as a result, you sacrificed your own happiness and future. We all had big dreams when we were young. Some of us want to be singers, writers and other profession. Then, our parents tell us that we cannot make a living out of those and be more realistic.
Take me for example. I went to university because I listened to my parents. I believed in their advice about going to school. Now that life is a mess for me, I'm starting to question if I made the right decision. Lots of people probably listened to parents and, when it doesn't work out, they question whether they made a mistake to listen to others. In addition, we also get into a situation where, since this wasn't our passion to start with, we lack the motivation and drive to overcome difficulties.
Life will have ups and downs regardless of what we do. What makes us keep moving forward is a drive or passion that we really want to succeed in a certain thing. When we do things that make other people happy but make ourselves miserable, we basically give up and don't want to do it anymore once failure and tough challenges come around. I've decided that, regardless of what my parents say, I need to pursue a dream I'm passionate about. I will encounter obstacles for sure but, at the very least, I will welcome the challenges as each one gets me closer to my dream.
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For most of our lives, we're trying to meet the expectations of other people like parents, teachers and employers. I personally felt the need to change my mindset and have my own expectations of myself. Have goals and dreams that I wish to pursue.
If you told me five years ago I should try door to door sales where I knock on doors of complete strangers and talk to them, I'd tell you that you're crazy as I was an introvert. I see this as something impossible and, yet, I managed to do a month of it. I couldn't make a living off of it but I managed to do it consistently for a month and learn a lot from it. If I could do this, what else could I accomplish that was supposedly impossible?
When people say something is impossible, I'm starting to see it as they themselves think it's impossible. As someone with different experiences and skills, you could do what they think is impossible. Before people were sent into space, there are so many people who think such a task is impossible. We have achieved that so the impossible suddenly became possible. In other words, other people's expectations are similar to the expectations they put on you. What they think is impossible is believed to be impossible for you as well.
When you start making your own expectations and make them higher than what other people put theirs at, you will push harder to reach bigger goals. You have belief that you can accomplish what others see as impossible. Sure, it won't be easy as you must work hard and persevere. Look at the athletes who compete in the Olympics. They had untold challenges and difficulties to get to where they are at. What we see is just the result of their hard work and many athletes will likely tell you that competing is the easy part.
You are also the only one who can make expectations for yourself since only you know yourself well. Your own expectations reflect what you're capable of. Other people's expectations are lower and, while you will reach it, you won't ever unlock your full potential. So what if you dream big for something that seems impossible. Sure, no one else had done it. What better accomplishment than being one of the few or the first person to achieve something great. Other people's expectations will make you mediocre. You own expectations will push you higher than what other people can only imagine. Live your own life and stop living what other people want to see in you.
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Success
We must first know how we define success. There's this common image of success related to being in the top 1% bracket. To have financial freedom and basically have more money than you need. This is, however, an image portrayed in our society.
From a young age, we've been told that we want to be successful and not failures. In doing so, we were told that we mustn't make mistakes while we must aim for high but realistic goals. That's why we're told to go to school, get a degree, get a job and then work our way up. Naturally, a lot of people will want to be CEO of a company. Yet, there are only so many CEO position available while there are so many people working below them. In other words, the odds are still against you in these advice given to you by your parents and teachers.
Let's not forget that our own definition of success is different. This is the same with expectations where we must chart our own path instead of trying to follow a norm of our society. I'm not saying you cannot be CEO but it's certainly possible that this isn't the future you see yourself in. Sure, your odds in succeeding anything else is equally low but your passion and drive will get you further than doing something you hate. I cannot emphasize how many people I know who hate their 9-5 job and wished they did something differently.
I believe the saying that money cannot buy you happiness. If getting all that money forces you to do a job you hate or do something you never feel proud of, then would you define it as success? If making money is your only goal, that can be defined as success. Yet, I'm sure a lot of people want more than what money could offer them in life. They want a purpose in life.
Now, what is my definition of success? I just want to make a comfortable living doing what I love and help people at the same time. I don't need to be a millionaire or billionaire, though I do believe that, when success comes my way, those are achievable if I wish for them. Some people might say my standards are too low and I should aim higher. My response is my dream job is different from other people. I don't want a 9-5 job. There are challenges I face along the way and I intend on overcoming them. I feel that, if I achieve my dream, I'd accomplish more than a lot of people could ever hope to accomplish. After all, I decided to listen to myself rather than those around me.
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We cannot talk about success without talking about failure. I'm sure many people, like me, don't want to fail in life. Even at school, we were told to not make mistakes and fail. For instance, we have tests where, for each mistake we make, we lost marks. Essentially, we will fail if we make enough mistakes. I feel this isn't a healthy mentality since mistakes and failures are part of life.
We all know that experience is the best teacher. We could read all the books and listen to the wisdom of all the people but these cannot compare to the things we personally experience. When you're afraid to make mistakes as you fear failure, you start going the "safe" route that is often going to school, get a degree and get a job afterward. However, there are no "safe" path since life is filled with ups and downs. Lots of people have been unjustly fired from work and suddenly they're unemployed. This is just an example of what we face in life.
Using me as an example, I'm relieved I experienced failure when I did. I'm still young, single and have more options in life without my options being limited and hands being tied. Imagine if I was married and had children when I lost my job. In this scenario, I have other people relying on me and risks are worse since more people are affected. Likely, I have to find another job I hate to support the family and it simply gets worse. At the moment, I can pursue my dreams and, if things don't work out, I'm the only one affected. I don't even need to worry and have the guilt about harming my loved ones.
Don't be afraid to make mistakes. By learning from these mistakes, you'll reach better goals and go further in life. If you are too afraid and try to go "safe" paths, you will learn that you eventually have to pay the price. It might not be too late for regret and change then but you will have a much steeper path ahead of you. You cannot eliminate mistakes and failures in life so accept and embrace them. Use them to get further ahead as opposed to seeing them as the demons that stop you from moving forward. When you can accept mistakes and failures in life, you'll find that life becomes a little easier since you aren't fighting a natural part of life.
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Too often in our lives, we are too focused on the destination. For those in sales, there's a quota we must meet. At school, there's a grade we want to get when we get our report card. Destination is more of a guideline of where we want to go and treating it as more than that will make our life more difficult.
What we should focus on and enjoy is the journey itself. Dreams aren't easy to reach and often require a long journey. If all you focus is the destination, then you'll soon lose hope as the destination seem no closer and you lose motivation to keep going. If you enjoy every moment of the journey through the ups and downs, you will, even in the situation of never reaching the destination, find the journey rewarding and fulfilling which essentially give you a sense of accomplishment.
For most people like me, the start of the journey will be a lonely one. When we pursue our dreams, our family and friends will be opposed to it. They want us to pursue the norms dictated by society. If we stumble during this stage, we need to pick ourselves up and keep going. We have no one to turn to regarding our problems so we must learn to cope ourselves. This is the growth that people experience allowing to succeed later in life.
The great thing about these journeys is that we will meet like-minded people. These are people with similar dreams who understand you and will have your back. They are no different from you, even if they have slightly different destination and different method on how they reach their destination. You needn't put up an act or be someone else where you interact with these people. They are attracted to you because you follow your dreams. Such acceptance is something we all need as we could be true to ourselves as well.
Another benefit of this journey is the small accomplishments along the way. These might not seem like much but, as you accumulate them, you'll feel a real sense of pride in yourself while building up your confidence in your abilities. Meanwhile, you should learn as much as you can on the journey and make friends along the way. This is essentially why I said you must do something you love. That way, you love every moment of the journey and reach the destination before you realize it.
Then, you want more of this so you pick a further destination and are eager for more of the journey. You continue to enjoy this which basically is your life. You can pick a journey you love and enjoy or pick one picked by others and regret every moment of it. There are no short journeys in life nor one without hardships and challenges. We just got to pick which journey we want.
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We all know about shortcuts where we are trying to reach a destination and the shortcut allows us to get there quicker. I gave the impression in the last entry that the journey is more important than the destination. We grow, learn and become a better person during our journey.
I like to see success as an accumulation of a lot of smaller successes. We could see these smaller successes as tiny building blocks. As a gamer, I like to use game analogies to get my point across. Let's say we are in a game where we need to collect a lot of coins or building blocks to get an achievement. To gather all of these, we need to explore the entire map. If we don't collect all the items, we won't even get a trophy.
This is true with real life as well. If we take shortcuts, we miss out on opportunities and people, both of which could play a critical role in our success. Once we reach the supposed destination, we discovered that the success we achieved was much less than what we expected. That's only due to us skipping so many experiences in life that could've created more success. By taking shortcuts, we are only fooling ourselves into thinking that there's a quicker way when there is none.
I learned this the hard way with university. I was more or less slacking in first and second year of university resulting in a weak foundation overall. This weak foundation becomes more apparent later in school when I struggle in courses. It didn't have to be like this and, in hindsight, I should've worked harder. I was taking shortcuts where I put less work and I got less result out of it. The world is fair in that aspect. We get as much as we invest in.
We all have 24 hours in a day regardless of where we are at. The only difference is how we use those 24 hours. We can either work hard, give it 120% and push for our dreams or we can wander aimlessly, take whatever shortcuts that may appear and have regrets later in life. I have been in the latter camp and working hard to change myself so I can be in the former camp.
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When there are no shortcuts, we must take the entire journey. As a result, we cannot hope to achieve success without investing a lot of time into it. This is obvious with the successful people we see in our society. We only see the outcome of their hard work and the time they invested into it.
One example I like to use is the Olympics. The athletes don't actually compete for very long if you look at what they compete in. Yet, it's the hard work and the time they spent outside of the competition. The endless hours of training and working towards their goals. They had to not only push their own limits but also compete for a spot to represent their country.
Time is really a valuable resource. If you run out of money, you can go earn more of it. Since time only moves forward, the time you use up isn't coming back. I admit that I do procrastinate from time to time and working hard to change all of that. I'm 25 now and those 25 years aren't coming back to me. I have regrets about how I used those time but I'm still relatively young and, if I make use of my time from the present onward, I can make my dream come true.
People tend to forget that everyone have 24 hours in a day. What separates the successful people and those who wander aimlessly in life is how they use their time. Back to the example of the athletes, these people work every single day pushing their limits. People who go to the gym regularly likely won't come close to these athletes since the difference in the time invested is noticeable.
There's a mentality we must have when we have found our purpose. There are people who have all these dreams but they never get started in their pursuit. As a result, each day that's gone is a day lost in getting them closer to the dream. That's why I'm working hard to make better use of this valuable resource. No one can take away my time and proper use of it will get me further.
Use your time wisely! Don't even pray for a time machine since that will cause more problems. Time, along with hard work and perseverance, will get you to the success you always wanted.
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Regardless of what we want to achieve, we will always encounter critics who tell us that we cannot do it. Sadly, a lot of the people who critique us are people we care about. Usually, it's our parents who don't approve of our dreams. I personally have this issue where my parents would rather have me attend school to get a degree as opposed to pursuing my dreams.
The thing about success is that is doesn't come easy since there are no shortcuts. During this long journey, we will have moments where we doubt ourselves and wonder if we made the right decision. The truth is the only person who can talk us out of our dreams is ourselves. I believe that, if you are pursuing your dream, you need to get through the highs and lows because you'll later look back at the path you took and say you have no regrets.
The critics tell you that you cannot do it because they don't think they can do it and they lack the confidence in you in doing the seemingly impossible. No one knows you better than yourself but don't let them bother you. They'll always be there and there's nothing more satisfying than silencing your critics by doing what seems impossible. You need confidence and put faith into yourself to make your dream come true and find success in life.
There will be days you don't want to get out of bed. There will also be days when you consider quitting altogether. Critics will be there during the lowest part of our journey. Let's say a person hasn't been doing well with his/her business. The critics will be the loudest at this moment with the "I told you so" mentality. These are the biggest challenges in our lives so we must be determined to weather the storm.
For me, the idea of helping myself and other people are what keeps me going regardless how the situation goes. I want my dream to become a reality and achieve the success that has my name on it. I won't let my critics, including my parents, from stopping me from achieving that. There will come a day where I find success and even my parents will admit that they were wrong about me. I look forward to that day!
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Last entry, I was talking about how we will encounter critics along the way to our dreams and success. Sometimes, the critics can be those very close to us. My message was to keep going and not let them bother you.
After experiencing some events in life and watching numerous motivational videos, I see a clear difference between those who find success and those who wander aimlessly in life. What separates them is perseverance. And if anyone of you have seen my website, you'll see the image of a mountain.
I find the mountain to be a perfect analogy for life. Basically, we start at the very bottom and our dreams along with success are found at the highest peak of the mountain. Naturally, we wouldn't be able to reach the peak very easily. We need to condition our body and work regularly to reach newer heights. What makes this mountain more challenging is that, when we stop pushing, we start sliding back down until, given enough time, we'll be at the base again.
To climb this mountain, we'll need to persevere. There might be harsh weather like storms that threaten to knock you back down. There will also be moments you get sick and feel like you cannot get up, let alone make progress. During these days, we need to learn how to continue pushing and moving forward. Most importantly, we got to learn to keep looking up.
If we are too busy looking down, we can easily dwell on a past that we no longer have control over. When you look up, you will keep your focus on where you're headed. Of course, it might appear that you aren't making any progress since the peak looks no closer than before. Know that progress is being made but you need time to really notice it. It might not appear so but, as long as you continue pushing and never give up, you will eventually see the results of your hard work.
Know that the challenges in life aren't going to be easy to overcome. We deal with critics, financial problems and health problems to name a few. These things can slow you down but, as long as you haven't given up, you will overcome them and move slowly towards your dream. Along the way, avoid making excuses like you don't have enough money or you're too old. With perseverance, you'll go much further than those who had given up on their dreams, some of whom gave up before they even began.
Be optimistic and remember you have more control over your life than you think. Each challenge in life is a lesson that makes you wiser and stronger. When you reach your dreams and find success, you'll be standing at the peak looking down. Once you're there, you can tell others how you began at the base of the mountain and now stand above all others. That would make you feel fulfilled and happy as you made something of your life.
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While chasing our dreams, we tend to have a habit of making excuses. For example, I blamed my professors when my studies weren't going well. The thing about excuses is that it's so easy to make. I don't have enough time. I don't have enough money. If we don't want to do something, we can make excuses with ease.
The problem with excuses is that we are trying to blame other people or other things. The cruel truth is that we are the reason why we aren't succeeding. Yet, we are busy blaming others. The time we used to blame others could be instead used to further our goals and get closer to our dreams. In addition, blaming others also see us dwelling on the past and unable to focus on the present and future.
The other issues with blaming others is basically trying to justify that our problems are out of our control. We cannot control how another person respond or how the economy will work. Essentially, we are trying to say that these problems are caused by things out of our control and we basically cannot fix it. This is a dangerous mindset where we convince ourselves that we cannot change anything due to all these external factors.
I've done that before when I couldn't find a job or internship. I blamed society for my problems so I had to accept what was given to me. After some thinking, I realized that this isn't the case. I played a role for my failures. I could've worked harder at school so my grades aren't suffering. With better grades, I could've found internship opportunities.
Another common excuse is I don't have enough time. I used to use that excuse a lot. Looking back, I realized that I could change that. I use to watch a lot of YouTube videos that contribute nothing to my life other than serving as entertainment. If I ever think I need more time, I could cut down on watching videos and use the time for something more productive. Of course, I also procrastinate which means more time is wasted as a result. These time could have been used for my dream and who knows how far I'd get if I had dedicated more time into it.
A lot of these excuses really makes no sense if you look at them. If you need to blame someone, blame yourself since this will put the responsibility on you. When you put the burden on you, you are in the mindset where you control your present and future as opposed being at the mercy of other people's decision. Sure, there are things we cannot control like our family and the environment we grow up in. Yet, we can change our situation by taking charge of where we are headed and how we want to see ourselves in 5, 10 or 20 years from now.
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We will encounter doubt on our journey to our dreams and success. Doubt is natural since we are moving out of our comfort zone. For example, you wouldn't have doubt if you have done something for over 20 years. You are comfortable with it and have plenty of confidence in yourself as you more or less mastered the task.
When doubt arises, it's normal so don't treat it like it's deadly and would stop you from accomplishing your dreams. Just note that doubt is a sign of you stepping into the unknown. You are pushing your boundaries. This might be terrifying and doubt may cause you to wonder if you made the right decision or not.
You must remember that if we stick with the status quo. A status quo where we aren't following our dreams, do what others tell us and essentially not living our lives. There will come a time we have regrets and wonder why we hadn't walked a different path. Therefore, let doubt be that sign of you moving towards your dreams and success.
Dreams and success won't ever be easy and some parts of the journey will make you consider turning back. I must emphasize that getting started is one of the bigger challenges we face. I knew people who had dreams but they never really acted upon it. They have doubts from the very beginning and then basically talk themselves out of it thinking that they simply couldn't do it. For instance, we have talent shows around the world and, while many auditioned, there are probably more who considered this but decided against it in the end.
I believe the best way to prevent doubt from stopping you from pursuing your goals and dreams is to simply take action. We normally have doubt when we have hesitation. For instance, my website hasn't been gaining much attention. Doubt starts forming but, instead of letting it take root, I just go and make a video so I have something else I can upload to it. Basically, I'm distracting myself from the doubt by taking actions that move me closer to my dreams. As a result, there won't be time for doubt to really develop within me.
As I continue doing what's needed to make my dream a reality, doubt will steadily become irrelevant. After all, I'll be doing it for many months or many years so it becomes the new norm. Just keep moving forward and doubt is basically a sign that you are heading in the right direction. The day these doubts vanish for good is the day you reached your goals and know, with confidence, that you can do it.
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The bigger your dream is, the more lonely you'll be in the initial stages of the journey. Your friends and family members will see you as a big dreamer who will one day realize that you were too unrealistic. As a result, you will lose friends and even family members if you wanted to pursue the dream.
Given that dreams don't come easy, you need to invest a lot of time and effort. This results in less time to hang out with friends and family members. These are sacrifices one have to make if they want to make something of their life. If they have people supporting them from the very beginning, then these are fortunate people. For most people like me, it's a long and lonely journey where we will have plenty of doubt and look back often.
Our society can be cruel so, unless you have great friends, you will find yourself alone during the time of need. Nobody is going to be there for you. When I was depressed, I have no one to go to and that pushed me towards my suicide attempt. Going on this journey will in a way help you determine if your friends are there for you or if they're fair weathered and gone at the first sign of trouble.
We must also remember that, on this journey of ours, we will encounter other people who are like-minded. These people have similar goals and dreams so they understand you. They will be there for you since they know you'll do the same in return.
During these moments when we are alone, we are also learning to do everything and becoming more independent. We learn new skills and/or improve some of our existing skills. Normally, we might do half the work while someone else does the other half. In this situation, we are forced to do the entire task. We discover that we can do more than what we thought was possible and slowly build confidence.
The first few stages of the journey won't be easy. It's filled with critics, doubts, challenges and loneliness. Keep going on this journey and you will find people you can count on. People who will have your people so you have people you can treasure for the rest of your life. Part of the success we seek is finding friends who will be with us through our highs and lows. While the journey seem daunting, going through it will be far more rewarding than sticking with the status quo.
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Loneliness
You will encounter loneliness in your life. You will have highs and lows throughout your life. During those lows, you will discover if you have fair weathered friends or not. These people want to be there during the good days but will abandon you as soon as the going gets tough. Of course, some people will have friends who remain by their side. For most of us, we will find out we are actually quite lonely during those days.
When we are lonely, we feel like we're outcasts of society. We feel empty and simply don't belong anywhere. We might not act different or look different but we simply don't fit in. For me, my university campus is pretty big and, as a loner, I'm just going between classes. Other people have friends they hang out with, chat with and laugh with. It's never a good feeling seeing myself have no one. For most of my life, I have been a loner where I'm just by myself. The feeling of loneliness just eats me up from the inside if I ever let it.
Loneliness can be a terrible thing. I believe it's the main factor for my suicide attempt. I'm certain a lot of people had similar feelings as me at the time when they're lonely. It seemed like, if we were gone today, no one would notice the very next day. Our existence seem so insignificant that, regardless of whether we are present or not, the world would go on spinning as though nothing had changed.
Having been there, I know dwelling on the loneliness allows it manifest into something terrible. It eventually overwhelms us and push us towards the extreme. Loneliness will happen eventually in your life. It's a phase in our life and it's not always a bad thing. We just got to learn how to utilize this feeling and use to help us seek a better future.
There are ways to combat loneliness. First, view it as a phase or phases of your life. By seeing it as a phase, you know that it will pass. It won't pass overnight but, give it enough time and put in some work, it will pass and be something of the past. Secondly, treat loneliness as a sign about what you must do with your life. When you feel loneliness, something must not be working out well so changes are in order.
I've been a loner all my life so far because I never followed my dreams, my heart and listened to my heart. I'm seeking the friends that click with me. We all know those moments where a conversation with a stranger just click instantly as though you and that person had known forever. If I want to end this loneliness, I must make changes like pursuing my dreams. As I said in the last entry, I will find those friends I always sought after.
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Envy
Everybody have been envious of others in the past. When I was a kid and my parents weren't particularly wealthy, I was envious of other kids who had the newest and coolest toys. They basically had the things I wished I had but were out of reach at the time.
Envy is something natural as it's part of being human. For some people, envy might be their main motivation in life. They see other people with great car and house so they decided that they want the same thing. Envy isn't necessarily a bad thing but it can blind people in their journey.
Let's use the great house and car as an example. What if the family purchasing those items are now heavily in debt? They could have borrowed a ton of money from the bank along with accumulating a bunch of credit card debt. If this family is paying the minimum amount each month, they would take forever to pay it off as the amount of interest they pay at the end is quite staggering.
The issue with envy is that people are too focused on being like someone else. They want the life of luxury presented by these other people. First, they are blinded from seeing what's needed to make such a lifestyle reality. Can you imagine living a life where you worry about if you can make the monthly payments? Too many people nowadays are living beyond their means and their debt accumulates each year until they are slave to their debts.
Secondly, envy blinds you from knowing what you want to achieve. In our society, success is commonly associated with owning a great house and car. What ends up happening is, if they get those, they might discover they aren't happy since they get plenty of debt in the process. Of course, these are also material things where, if a person is only focused on them, they will be compensating in other areas and feel unfulfilled in life.
Envy is natural and just shows that we are human beings. We shouldn't be too focused on what other people have since we have our own path. Trying to gain what other people have makes us walk further from the situation we truly want to be in. We have different definition of success and different methods to get there. Don't let your envy determine how you want to see yourself.
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Habit
We all have our habits, both the good and the bad. We know that good habits are hard to come by while the bad habits are the easiest to do. To sleep in and to procrastinate are two of the most common bad habits we have. Good habits like going to the gym daily require a lot more work and lots of discipline to get them established.
Good habits are hard to accomplish but they are good for our wellbeing or even our success. Most of us heard about the three months needed to establish a good habit. We need to do the same thing continuously for every single day for it to become a habit. For instance, you probably need three months of going to the gym daily before it simply becomes a part of your routine as opposed to this chore you force yourself into doing.
Bad habits are so easy to get and very difficult to get rid of. Take me for example. I have procrastination which is one of the worst habits to have. People like me usually delay and plan on doing something the next day. The thing about life is that opportunities don't come back the very next day. If you missed it, it's forever out of reach. I know this and the push to stop procrastination has been an uphill battle.
Habits also say something about the person. If the person has a lot of bad habits, they have been taking the easy way out. I'm not here to judge anyone since I was no different. I also see bad habits as one of the reason why school or work isn't going as well as they did. I thought I had plenty of time so I kept procrastinating at school. Now, I realized that I have this timebomb ticking down and, unless I make changes soon, things will go further downhill.
Since habits define who we are, we want to have many good habits. Having multiple good habits means you are better disciplined than those who have fewer good habits. This sort of discipline sees you better focused on your goals without giving in or getting distracted. It's far better getting disciplined now and enjoy life later than taking the easy route now and regretting later in life.
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Work
Work is what we need to pay for our expenses. After graduation from high school and/or post-secondary, you'll be spending most of your time working. It's a big part of your life so it's natural you want to do more than just tolerate it. From my personal experience, I've done a lot of part-time work while I was attending school. I had some jobs that were really pushing my tolerance for them so I wanted to leave as soon as possible.
First, you should enjoy the work at least to a certain extent. For example, you might be doing customer service. You should at least enjoy the interaction with the customers so work doesn't seem that bad and passes relatively quickly. If even customer interaction, possibly the main portion of your duties, is awful, then most days are terrible, if not worse should something happen with one of the coworkers.
Secondly, you must also feel like you're making progress at work. You don't want to go to work knowing what will happen and what you'll accomplish before even starting. At this point, work feels like a chore and most people, including me, don't look forward to doing chores at all. These make work so dull that you never want to go to work and would go to any lengths to avoid it without getting fired.
My worst job experience was at a fast food restaurant. Much of it was pretty miserable where my shift began before the restaurant opened. I was there to do prep work and, with us being shorthanded a lot of the time, it gets real tough to meet the deadlines. The only upside was being cashier but I was rarely assigned that. The management wasn't great either so not enough pros to even rival the cons.
I was going there feeling like I'm headed nowhere. It's a fast food restaurant where the only future seem to be becoming a manager at the restaurant. I'm not saying it's a bad job but it's simply not one that could bring out my full potential. When I left, it was such a relief and I know I won't ever look back at it with regret. I probably regretted not leaving any sooner honestly.
If you are searching for a job, you need to find one you enjoy and/or see a great future for yourself. There's nothing worse in life than getting a job you hate which gets you nowhere in life due to limited career options. I couldn't imagine myself working at the fast food restaurant full-time for the rest of my life so I cannot imagine how people do a job they hate as a living.
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I want to elaborate on finding work you enjoy. This usually involves finding work related to your hobby or interests. If you enjoy programming, you can go into website design or game designing. If you are into photography, you could work for a magazine or a newspaper. There are lots of opportunities out there but you definitely have to search for it.
Some of these jobs might appear sparse but you need to work for it if you want to land such a job. When we are determined, we will eventually find what we are searching for. Perseverance and determination along with the belief you can succeed will yield the success you sought after. Such opportunities are attracted to those who really want it. It's a bit like the "ask and you may receive."
You must know what you are asking for. Therefore, you must narrow down to what you actually want. Being vague usually gets you nowhere since it could include multiple possibilities, several of which aren't even related to what you have in mind. Asking alone isn't enough as you must work towards it. Afterwards, it never hurts to ask nicely.
It's not always possible to find a job related to your hobby whenever you want to. In the meantime, you have the option of finding a job where you help other people out. When we help people out and get a smile out of them, this seems like a nice reward in itself. Just as negativity spreads, positivity also spreads so, as you make more people happy, you get that in return. If you made four people smile, the joy you feel will match the combined joy of those four people.
In our society, we are too focused on ourselves. We wonder how we can make ourselves happy and feel fulfilled. The irony is that we often need to give if we want to be happy. I'm not talking about giving physical things like money or gifts. At times, a simple gesture of greeting someone or asking someone distressed if they are alright. Even if you cannot solve the problem, the act showing that someone cares can go a long way for those lonely souls.
When helping others, you may never see the end result but, as long as you know you are doing something that helps others indirectly, that knowledge alone will brighten your own mood. Considering how much time work occupy in our lives, we really should take extra steps to finding one that makes us happier and more fulfilled.
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I want to elaborate on finding work where you feel like you have a brighter future if you remained there. My example was the time when I worked at a fast food restaurant where I felt like I was getting nowhere in life. Essentially, I just go there to get a paycheck, pay my expenses and repeat that process over and over again. Nothing really happens in life as a result.
Nothing is worse than feeling like you're getting nowhere in life. You start to wonder if there's something more in life. We have this feeling because there is indeed something more. Regardless of what background and what education you have, people have incredible potential that just isn't easy to tap into. To tap into this potential, people must get out of their comfort zone and learn from the mistakes they make in life.
The safe and stable path is going to school, get a degree and get a job from that degree. Of course, it's questionable if this is safe or stable. Sure, you might get a job but a company might go bankrupt or need to cut cost. You could easily be let go by the company which sees you out of a job. We heard this often enough so where's the safety and stability people believe this path held?
Let's say you have worked at a company for 5 years and you heard about an opportunity. There's a new company led by an ambitious individual. No one knows if this company will succeed or not. If you had a family, you must take into consideration of their well-being. Yet, you must remember that, if you get let go after working several years for a company, you are left with nothing as well. If you are single, ambitious and your gut tells you to do it, there's really no downside in trying out this opportunity.
Even in the situation the company failed, the lessons you learned could be of some use in the future. For instance, you might want to start your own company. There are lots of opportunities out there and some are great learning experiences. Taking risks does reward those regardless of the outcome. Until we take risks and tap into our hidden potential, we will always have this feeling of us never really fulfilled as though we are missing something. Later in life, we have regrets as we wondered about all those opportunities we passed by due to hesitation.
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Loss
Loss can cover a lot of subjects so I want to cover the loss of a loved one for this entry. The cruel thing about life is that we don't know when our loved ones will be gone. They could encounter an accident, an illness or something we never saw coming. Losing such a special person leaves behind a void which we can never fill in.
The loss also leaves behind a scar that never really heals and it can act up to remind you of the loss. Yet, we, despite the uncertainty regarding the future and the fate of our loved ones, must learn to treasure our loved ones. Spend time and care about a loved ones are two of the best ways to show that we recognize what they have done for us so far.
It doesn't help that time passes in one which is forward. I know people who wished they could spend more time with their parents. In their pursuit of dreams and careers, they weren't able to spend much time until they got news of the deteriorating health of their parents. Then, it's basically an attempt to catch up what little time they had left.
The problem with catch up is that we only do so when there's not much time left. Of course, people are quite busy nowadays with life and some people have to move away from their loved ones. Finding time to talk once a month is still better than those who only have a chance to do so once every few years. If you get past the excuses and procrastination, you will find the time to visit.
When we lose a loved ones, we realized that there are many things we wanted to say and many things we wanted to do. Some of us even had promises we never managed to keep. Grief is overwhelming in itself so it only gets worse when you have all these regrets.
When loss of a loved one is something none of us could predict, we need to do what we can. We must walk a path with a few regrets as possible and not spend time with a loved ones could be some of our biggest regrets in life. Don't wait until it's too late to do what's right. We can live with fewer money in our bank account. We can go without a few vacations in life. We cannot turn back time hoping to get a second chance with people most precious to us.
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Losing a loved one isn't easy as it leaves behind a void as though we lost a part of ourselves. Naturally, the recovery from grief and the loss is never easy. It takes time. However, I don't like how people tell those people to just move on. I just don't like the term since it implies that you should forget about the past and don't ever revisit it.
I do emphasize that we shouldn't dwell on the past but we mustn't throw the past away. We have good memories with our loved ones which we most definitely should treasure with us. Those memories shaped us and made us who we on. Instead, I think we should move forward instead of move on. By that, I meant that we turn our focus on the present and future more often instead of only focusing on the present and future.
During our recovery, we do need to revisit the past. For instance, maybe the loved one we lost had a dream. If possible, we might want to make that dream come true. We might have also made a promise or promises to a loved one. Maybe we promised we would quit smoking or quit drinking and never managed to get to it. I don't think it's ever too late to keep these sort of promise.
The loss usually reminds us of our mortality. It reminds us that we don't have infinite time in life and we should do something in our lives. No one knows how much time he or she has left. Instead of fearing about when your end arrives, it's far better living everyday to its fullest. Do things you have been dreaming or thinking about but have yet to take action.
We all respond and recover differently from a loss. Just like everything else in life, we must learn how to cope with it from experience. Yet, we must never forget that there are still those with us. For example, a person losing his or her spouse might have children who needs caring. Remember those you lost but treasure those who are still with you.
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The last two entry has been rather gloomy so I hope to change things up a bit this entry. I will discuss about losing one's job. We probably all know someone who lost their job due to mismanagement, poor economy or cut costs in the company. This is very disruptive as the lifestyle you were so used to is suddenly at risk. You don't have the money to pay for the expenses resulting in a lot of pressure.
It's not a good feeling when you had a great life only to have everything gone since you cannot afford them anymore. Recovering from these situations isn't easy either since you aren't as young as before anymore. As a result, other companies don't see you as such a great asset when they had younger recruits they could pick from. Now, you are faced with unfavorable odds and the situation deteriorate very quickly.
I want to emphasize that knowledge is the great asset you can gain regardless of your age. An employer could take your job. A bank can take your home. All of these material things can be taken away from you and you can do nothing to stop them. Yet, nobody can take the knowledge you gained over the years that makes you more valuable than other people.
This knowledge isn't what you take from school. Schools teaches you the basic stuff for you to get out into the real world. Knowledge you acquire outside of school during your own time is what you can use to make yourself far more valuable in your field. There's so much information out there so it's not wise to absorb everything before you. Be picky on what you want to learn since our brain, like our computers, have a limited storage before it's overloaded.
Knowledge can be power if you seek out the right ones. If you want to start a company, read books written by those successful business people. Absorb the right knowledge and, regardless of what happens in the world, you will thrive more than other people. Sure, there are challenges along the way. Yet, you have fewer obstacles as the knowledge will get you through them more efficiently.
While we cannot get back the loved ones we lost, we can get back the material stuff that were taken from us during our financial struggles. Gain knowledge as it cannot be lost. Respect its power and use to the best you can. If given a choice between money and knowledge, take knowledge so you can use it to generate more money than you can ever imagine.
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We will be talking about loss of friends where they essentially no longer want to hang out with us. There are many paths we have to take and some of them are lonely. We won't have people there to support us. We won't have friends who are understanding and accept us for who are. Instead, we have friends who tells us that we cannot do it and we should give up.
These are people we generally want to stay away. By staying with them, their negative thoughts and beliefs also spread to you. Now, this doesn't make losing them any easier. Loneliness is tough. As a loner for my entire life, I know the emptiness when I have no one to talk to regarding anything. It seems like I'm just wandering aimlessly as I struggle to find my future.
The path of loneliness does have its benefits. It teaches us how to become more confident and more independent. For instance, I liked group projects in high school where I can do what I'm comfortable with while others could do what they're comfortable with. As a result, I'm not getting out of my comfort zone and, in a world that's constantly changing, I'm basically falling behind due to a lack of skill sets needed to make me a success.
We must also remember that loneliness is temporary. There are so many people out there and nobody can stop us from making new friends. Sure, you can be an introvert like me but that's just an excuse. As we do what we enjoy and love, we will find people who have something in common with us. Then, we don't even need to go out of our way to make friends. The friendship just forms naturally without those awkward moments. We all had moments where we clicked with a person we knew almost nothing about. These connections do exist.
Remember that losing friends isn't the end of the world. Those people aren't worth your time and effort. If they are your true friends, they won't abandon you during the toughest parts of your life. If you stop seeing them results in them not contacting you again, it's a good sign that you need better friends. Better friends are out there but they won't just show up. You must go on the journey you are meant for and, along the way, you will find them. Essentially, you are losing the bad friends to make room for good friends.
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We have expectations for ourselves and so does our loved ones. One classic example is our parents having expectations of us going the "safe" route where kids go to school, get a degree and then get the job in that field. I'm sure everyone have heard of the life advice from their relatives and friends regarding their future.
One problem is, by trying to meet the expectation of your parents or other people, you are trying to become the person they want to see in you. You aren't being yourself and, as a result, you sacrificed your own happiness and future. We all had big dreams when we were young. Some of us want to be singers, writers and other profession. Then, our parents tell us that we cannot make a living out of those and be more realistic.
Take me for example. I went to university because I listened to my parents. I believed in their advice about going to school. Now that life is a mess for me, I'm starting to question if I made the right decision. Lots of people probably listened to parents and, when it doesn't work out, they question whether they made a mistake to listen to others. In addition, we also get into a situation where, since this wasn't our passion to start with, we lack the motivation and drive to overcome difficulties.
Life will have ups and downs regardless of what we do. What makes us keep moving forward is a drive or passion that we really want to succeed in a certain thing. When we do things that make other people happy but make ourselves miserable, we basically give up and don't want to do it anymore once failure and tough challenges come around. I've decided that, regardless of what my parents say, I need to pursue a dream I'm passionate about. I will encounter obstacles for sure but, at the very least, I will welcome the challenges as each one gets me closer to my dream.
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For most of our lives, we're trying to meet the expectations of other people like parents, teachers and employers. I personally felt the need to change my mindset and have my own expectations of myself. Have goals and dreams that I wish to pursue.
If you told me five years ago I should try door to door sales where I knock on doors of complete strangers and talk to them, I'd tell you that you're crazy as I was an introvert. I see this as something impossible and, yet, I managed to do a month of it. I couldn't make a living off of it but I managed to do it consistently for a month and learn a lot from it. If I could do this, what else could I accomplish that was supposedly impossible?
When people say something is impossible, I'm starting to see it as they themselves think it's impossible. As someone with different experiences and skills, you could do what they think is impossible. Before people were sent into space, there are so many people who think such a task is impossible. We have achieved that so the impossible suddenly became possible. In other words, other people's expectations are similar to the expectations they put on you. What they think is impossible is believed to be impossible for you as well.
When you start making your own expectations and make them higher than what other people put theirs at, you will push harder to reach bigger goals. You have belief that you can accomplish what others see as impossible. Sure, it won't be easy as you must work hard and persevere. Look at the athletes who compete in the Olympics. They had untold challenges and difficulties to get to where they are at. What we see is just the result of their hard work and many athletes will likely tell you that competing is the easy part.
You are also the only one who can make expectations for yourself since only you know yourself well. Your own expectations reflect what you're capable of. Other people's expectations are lower and, while you will reach it, you won't ever unlock your full potential. So what if you dream big for something that seems impossible. Sure, no one else had done it. What better accomplishment than being one of the few or the first person to achieve something great. Other people's expectations will make you mediocre. You own expectations will push you higher than what other people can only imagine. Live your own life and stop living what other people want to see in you.
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Success
We must first know how we define success. There's this common image of success related to being in the top 1% bracket. To have financial freedom and basically have more money than you need. This is, however, an image portrayed in our society.
From a young age, we've been told that we want to be successful and not failures. In doing so, we were told that we mustn't make mistakes while we must aim for high but realistic goals. That's why we're told to go to school, get a degree, get a job and then work our way up. Naturally, a lot of people will want to be CEO of a company. Yet, there are only so many CEO position available while there are so many people working below them. In other words, the odds are still against you in these advice given to you by your parents and teachers.
Let's not forget that our own definition of success is different. This is the same with expectations where we must chart our own path instead of trying to follow a norm of our society. I'm not saying you cannot be CEO but it's certainly possible that this isn't the future you see yourself in. Sure, your odds in succeeding anything else is equally low but your passion and drive will get you further than doing something you hate. I cannot emphasize how many people I know who hate their 9-5 job and wished they did something differently.
I believe the saying that money cannot buy you happiness. If getting all that money forces you to do a job you hate or do something you never feel proud of, then would you define it as success? If making money is your only goal, that can be defined as success. Yet, I'm sure a lot of people want more than what money could offer them in life. They want a purpose in life.
Now, what is my definition of success? I just want to make a comfortable living doing what I love and help people at the same time. I don't need to be a millionaire or billionaire, though I do believe that, when success comes my way, those are achievable if I wish for them. Some people might say my standards are too low and I should aim higher. My response is my dream job is different from other people. I don't want a 9-5 job. There are challenges I face along the way and I intend on overcoming them. I feel that, if I achieve my dream, I'd accomplish more than a lot of people could ever hope to accomplish. After all, I decided to listen to myself rather than those around me.
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We cannot talk about success without talking about failure. I'm sure many people, like me, don't want to fail in life. Even at school, we were told to not make mistakes and fail. For instance, we have tests where, for each mistake we make, we lost marks. Essentially, we will fail if we make enough mistakes. I feel this isn't a healthy mentality since mistakes and failures are part of life.
We all know that experience is the best teacher. We could read all the books and listen to the wisdom of all the people but these cannot compare to the things we personally experience. When you're afraid to make mistakes as you fear failure, you start going the "safe" route that is often going to school, get a degree and get a job afterward. However, there are no "safe" path since life is filled with ups and downs. Lots of people have been unjustly fired from work and suddenly they're unemployed. This is just an example of what we face in life.
Using me as an example, I'm relieved I experienced failure when I did. I'm still young, single and have more options in life without my options being limited and hands being tied. Imagine if I was married and had children when I lost my job. In this scenario, I have other people relying on me and risks are worse since more people are affected. Likely, I have to find another job I hate to support the family and it simply gets worse. At the moment, I can pursue my dreams and, if things don't work out, I'm the only one affected. I don't even need to worry and have the guilt about harming my loved ones.
Don't be afraid to make mistakes. By learning from these mistakes, you'll reach better goals and go further in life. If you are too afraid and try to go "safe" paths, you will learn that you eventually have to pay the price. It might not be too late for regret and change then but you will have a much steeper path ahead of you. You cannot eliminate mistakes and failures in life so accept and embrace them. Use them to get further ahead as opposed to seeing them as the demons that stop you from moving forward. When you can accept mistakes and failures in life, you'll find that life becomes a little easier since you aren't fighting a natural part of life.
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Too often in our lives, we are too focused on the destination. For those in sales, there's a quota we must meet. At school, there's a grade we want to get when we get our report card. Destination is more of a guideline of where we want to go and treating it as more than that will make our life more difficult.
What we should focus on and enjoy is the journey itself. Dreams aren't easy to reach and often require a long journey. If all you focus is the destination, then you'll soon lose hope as the destination seem no closer and you lose motivation to keep going. If you enjoy every moment of the journey through the ups and downs, you will, even in the situation of never reaching the destination, find the journey rewarding and fulfilling which essentially give you a sense of accomplishment.
For most people like me, the start of the journey will be a lonely one. When we pursue our dreams, our family and friends will be opposed to it. They want us to pursue the norms dictated by society. If we stumble during this stage, we need to pick ourselves up and keep going. We have no one to turn to regarding our problems so we must learn to cope ourselves. This is the growth that people experience allowing to succeed later in life.
The great thing about these journeys is that we will meet like-minded people. These are people with similar dreams who understand you and will have your back. They are no different from you, even if they have slightly different destination and different method on how they reach their destination. You needn't put up an act or be someone else where you interact with these people. They are attracted to you because you follow your dreams. Such acceptance is something we all need as we could be true to ourselves as well.
Another benefit of this journey is the small accomplishments along the way. These might not seem like much but, as you accumulate them, you'll feel a real sense of pride in yourself while building up your confidence in your abilities. Meanwhile, you should learn as much as you can on the journey and make friends along the way. This is essentially why I said you must do something you love. That way, you love every moment of the journey and reach the destination before you realize it.
Then, you want more of this so you pick a further destination and are eager for more of the journey. You continue to enjoy this which basically is your life. You can pick a journey you love and enjoy or pick one picked by others and regret every moment of it. There are no short journeys in life nor one without hardships and challenges. We just got to pick which journey we want.
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We all know about shortcuts where we are trying to reach a destination and the shortcut allows us to get there quicker. I gave the impression in the last entry that the journey is more important than the destination. We grow, learn and become a better person during our journey.
I like to see success as an accumulation of a lot of smaller successes. We could see these smaller successes as tiny building blocks. As a gamer, I like to use game analogies to get my point across. Let's say we are in a game where we need to collect a lot of coins or building blocks to get an achievement. To gather all of these, we need to explore the entire map. If we don't collect all the items, we won't even get a trophy.
This is true with real life as well. If we take shortcuts, we miss out on opportunities and people, both of which could play a critical role in our success. Once we reach the supposed destination, we discovered that the success we achieved was much less than what we expected. That's only due to us skipping so many experiences in life that could've created more success. By taking shortcuts, we are only fooling ourselves into thinking that there's a quicker way when there is none.
I learned this the hard way with university. I was more or less slacking in first and second year of university resulting in a weak foundation overall. This weak foundation becomes more apparent later in school when I struggle in courses. It didn't have to be like this and, in hindsight, I should've worked harder. I was taking shortcuts where I put less work and I got less result out of it. The world is fair in that aspect. We get as much as we invest in.
We all have 24 hours in a day regardless of where we are at. The only difference is how we use those 24 hours. We can either work hard, give it 120% and push for our dreams or we can wander aimlessly, take whatever shortcuts that may appear and have regrets later in life. I have been in the latter camp and working hard to change myself so I can be in the former camp.
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When there are no shortcuts, we must take the entire journey. As a result, we cannot hope to achieve success without investing a lot of time into it. This is obvious with the successful people we see in our society. We only see the outcome of their hard work and the time they invested into it.
One example I like to use is the Olympics. The athletes don't actually compete for very long if you look at what they compete in. Yet, it's the hard work and the time they spent outside of the competition. The endless hours of training and working towards their goals. They had to not only push their own limits but also compete for a spot to represent their country.
Time is really a valuable resource. If you run out of money, you can go earn more of it. Since time only moves forward, the time you use up isn't coming back. I admit that I do procrastinate from time to time and working hard to change all of that. I'm 25 now and those 25 years aren't coming back to me. I have regrets about how I used those time but I'm still relatively young and, if I make use of my time from the present onward, I can make my dream come true.
People tend to forget that everyone have 24 hours in a day. What separates the successful people and those who wander aimlessly in life is how they use their time. Back to the example of the athletes, these people work every single day pushing their limits. People who go to the gym regularly likely won't come close to these athletes since the difference in the time invested is noticeable.
There's a mentality we must have when we have found our purpose. There are people who have all these dreams but they never get started in their pursuit. As a result, each day that's gone is a day lost in getting them closer to the dream. That's why I'm working hard to make better use of this valuable resource. No one can take away my time and proper use of it will get me further.
Use your time wisely! Don't even pray for a time machine since that will cause more problems. Time, along with hard work and perseverance, will get you to the success you always wanted.
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Regardless of what we want to achieve, we will always encounter critics who tell us that we cannot do it. Sadly, a lot of the people who critique us are people we care about. Usually, it's our parents who don't approve of our dreams. I personally have this issue where my parents would rather have me attend school to get a degree as opposed to pursuing my dreams.
The thing about success is that is doesn't come easy since there are no shortcuts. During this long journey, we will have moments where we doubt ourselves and wonder if we made the right decision. The truth is the only person who can talk us out of our dreams is ourselves. I believe that, if you are pursuing your dream, you need to get through the highs and lows because you'll later look back at the path you took and say you have no regrets.
The critics tell you that you cannot do it because they don't think they can do it and they lack the confidence in you in doing the seemingly impossible. No one knows you better than yourself but don't let them bother you. They'll always be there and there's nothing more satisfying than silencing your critics by doing what seems impossible. You need confidence and put faith into yourself to make your dream come true and find success in life.
There will be days you don't want to get out of bed. There will also be days when you consider quitting altogether. Critics will be there during the lowest part of our journey. Let's say a person hasn't been doing well with his/her business. The critics will be the loudest at this moment with the "I told you so" mentality. These are the biggest challenges in our lives so we must be determined to weather the storm.
For me, the idea of helping myself and other people are what keeps me going regardless how the situation goes. I want my dream to become a reality and achieve the success that has my name on it. I won't let my critics, including my parents, from stopping me from achieving that. There will come a day where I find success and even my parents will admit that they were wrong about me. I look forward to that day!
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Last entry, I was talking about how we will encounter critics along the way to our dreams and success. Sometimes, the critics can be those very close to us. My message was to keep going and not let them bother you.
After experiencing some events in life and watching numerous motivational videos, I see a clear difference between those who find success and those who wander aimlessly in life. What separates them is perseverance. And if anyone of you have seen my website, you'll see the image of a mountain.
I find the mountain to be a perfect analogy for life. Basically, we start at the very bottom and our dreams along with success are found at the highest peak of the mountain. Naturally, we wouldn't be able to reach the peak very easily. We need to condition our body and work regularly to reach newer heights. What makes this mountain more challenging is that, when we stop pushing, we start sliding back down until, given enough time, we'll be at the base again.
To climb this mountain, we'll need to persevere. There might be harsh weather like storms that threaten to knock you back down. There will also be moments you get sick and feel like you cannot get up, let alone make progress. During these days, we need to learn how to continue pushing and moving forward. Most importantly, we got to learn to keep looking up.
If we are too busy looking down, we can easily dwell on a past that we no longer have control over. When you look up, you will keep your focus on where you're headed. Of course, it might appear that you aren't making any progress since the peak looks no closer than before. Know that progress is being made but you need time to really notice it. It might not appear so but, as long as you continue pushing and never give up, you will eventually see the results of your hard work.
Know that the challenges in life aren't going to be easy to overcome. We deal with critics, financial problems and health problems to name a few. These things can slow you down but, as long as you haven't given up, you will overcome them and move slowly towards your dream. Along the way, avoid making excuses like you don't have enough money or you're too old. With perseverance, you'll go much further than those who had given up on their dreams, some of whom gave up before they even began.
Be optimistic and remember you have more control over your life than you think. Each challenge in life is a lesson that makes you wiser and stronger. When you reach your dreams and find success, you'll be standing at the peak looking down. Once you're there, you can tell others how you began at the base of the mountain and now stand above all others. That would make you feel fulfilled and happy as you made something of your life.
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While chasing our dreams, we tend to have a habit of making excuses. For example, I blamed my professors when my studies weren't going well. The thing about excuses is that it's so easy to make. I don't have enough time. I don't have enough money. If we don't want to do something, we can make excuses with ease.
The problem with excuses is that we are trying to blame other people or other things. The cruel truth is that we are the reason why we aren't succeeding. Yet, we are busy blaming others. The time we used to blame others could be instead used to further our goals and get closer to our dreams. In addition, blaming others also see us dwelling on the past and unable to focus on the present and future.
The other issues with blaming others is basically trying to justify that our problems are out of our control. We cannot control how another person respond or how the economy will work. Essentially, we are trying to say that these problems are caused by things out of our control and we basically cannot fix it. This is a dangerous mindset where we convince ourselves that we cannot change anything due to all these external factors.
I've done that before when I couldn't find a job or internship. I blamed society for my problems so I had to accept what was given to me. After some thinking, I realized that this isn't the case. I played a role for my failures. I could've worked harder at school so my grades aren't suffering. With better grades, I could've found internship opportunities.
Another common excuse is I don't have enough time. I used to use that excuse a lot. Looking back, I realized that I could change that. I use to watch a lot of YouTube videos that contribute nothing to my life other than serving as entertainment. If I ever think I need more time, I could cut down on watching videos and use the time for something more productive. Of course, I also procrastinate which means more time is wasted as a result. These time could have been used for my dream and who knows how far I'd get if I had dedicated more time into it.
A lot of these excuses really makes no sense if you look at them. If you need to blame someone, blame yourself since this will put the responsibility on you. When you put the burden on you, you are in the mindset where you control your present and future as opposed being at the mercy of other people's decision. Sure, there are things we cannot control like our family and the environment we grow up in. Yet, we can change our situation by taking charge of where we are headed and how we want to see ourselves in 5, 10 or 20 years from now.
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We will encounter doubt on our journey to our dreams and success. Doubt is natural since we are moving out of our comfort zone. For example, you wouldn't have doubt if you have done something for over 20 years. You are comfortable with it and have plenty of confidence in yourself as you more or less mastered the task.
When doubt arises, it's normal so don't treat it like it's deadly and would stop you from accomplishing your dreams. Just note that doubt is a sign of you stepping into the unknown. You are pushing your boundaries. This might be terrifying and doubt may cause you to wonder if you made the right decision or not.
You must remember that if we stick with the status quo. A status quo where we aren't following our dreams, do what others tell us and essentially not living our lives. There will come a time we have regrets and wonder why we hadn't walked a different path. Therefore, let doubt be that sign of you moving towards your dreams and success.
Dreams and success won't ever be easy and some parts of the journey will make you consider turning back. I must emphasize that getting started is one of the bigger challenges we face. I knew people who had dreams but they never really acted upon it. They have doubts from the very beginning and then basically talk themselves out of it thinking that they simply couldn't do it. For instance, we have talent shows around the world and, while many auditioned, there are probably more who considered this but decided against it in the end.
I believe the best way to prevent doubt from stopping you from pursuing your goals and dreams is to simply take action. We normally have doubt when we have hesitation. For instance, my website hasn't been gaining much attention. Doubt starts forming but, instead of letting it take root, I just go and make a video so I have something else I can upload to it. Basically, I'm distracting myself from the doubt by taking actions that move me closer to my dreams. As a result, there won't be time for doubt to really develop within me.
As I continue doing what's needed to make my dream a reality, doubt will steadily become irrelevant. After all, I'll be doing it for many months or many years so it becomes the new norm. Just keep moving forward and doubt is basically a sign that you are heading in the right direction. The day these doubts vanish for good is the day you reached your goals and know, with confidence, that you can do it.
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The bigger your dream is, the more lonely you'll be in the initial stages of the journey. Your friends and family members will see you as a big dreamer who will one day realize that you were too unrealistic. As a result, you will lose friends and even family members if you wanted to pursue the dream.
Given that dreams don't come easy, you need to invest a lot of time and effort. This results in less time to hang out with friends and family members. These are sacrifices one have to make if they want to make something of their life. If they have people supporting them from the very beginning, then these are fortunate people. For most people like me, it's a long and lonely journey where we will have plenty of doubt and look back often.
Our society can be cruel so, unless you have great friends, you will find yourself alone during the time of need. Nobody is going to be there for you. When I was depressed, I have no one to go to and that pushed me towards my suicide attempt. Going on this journey will in a way help you determine if your friends are there for you or if they're fair weathered and gone at the first sign of trouble.
We must also remember that, on this journey of ours, we will encounter other people who are like-minded. These people have similar goals and dreams so they understand you. They will be there for you since they know you'll do the same in return.
During these moments when we are alone, we are also learning to do everything and becoming more independent. We learn new skills and/or improve some of our existing skills. Normally, we might do half the work while someone else does the other half. In this situation, we are forced to do the entire task. We discover that we can do more than what we thought was possible and slowly build confidence.
The first few stages of the journey won't be easy. It's filled with critics, doubts, challenges and loneliness. Keep going on this journey and you will find people you can count on. People who will have your people so you have people you can treasure for the rest of your life. Part of the success we seek is finding friends who will be with us through our highs and lows. While the journey seem daunting, going through it will be far more rewarding than sticking with the status quo.
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Loneliness
You will encounter loneliness in your life. You will have highs and lows throughout your life. During those lows, you will discover if you have fair weathered friends or not. These people want to be there during the good days but will abandon you as soon as the going gets tough. Of course, some people will have friends who remain by their side. For most of us, we will find out we are actually quite lonely during those days.
When we are lonely, we feel like we're outcasts of society. We feel empty and simply don't belong anywhere. We might not act different or look different but we simply don't fit in. For me, my university campus is pretty big and, as a loner, I'm just going between classes. Other people have friends they hang out with, chat with and laugh with. It's never a good feeling seeing myself have no one. For most of my life, I have been a loner where I'm just by myself. The feeling of loneliness just eats me up from the inside if I ever let it.
Loneliness can be a terrible thing. I believe it's the main factor for my suicide attempt. I'm certain a lot of people had similar feelings as me at the time when they're lonely. It seemed like, if we were gone today, no one would notice the very next day. Our existence seem so insignificant that, regardless of whether we are present or not, the world would go on spinning as though nothing had changed.
Having been there, I know dwelling on the loneliness allows it manifest into something terrible. It eventually overwhelms us and push us towards the extreme. Loneliness will happen eventually in your life. It's a phase in our life and it's not always a bad thing. We just got to learn how to utilize this feeling and use to help us seek a better future.
There are ways to combat loneliness. First, view it as a phase or phases of your life. By seeing it as a phase, you know that it will pass. It won't pass overnight but, give it enough time and put in some work, it will pass and be something of the past. Secondly, treat loneliness as a sign about what you must do with your life. When you feel loneliness, something must not be working out well so changes are in order.
I've been a loner all my life so far because I never followed my dreams, my heart and listened to my heart. I'm seeking the friends that click with me. We all know those moments where a conversation with a stranger just click instantly as though you and that person had known forever. If I want to end this loneliness, I must make changes like pursuing my dreams. As I said in the last entry, I will find those friends I always sought after.
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Envy
Everybody have been envious of others in the past. When I was a kid and my parents weren't particularly wealthy, I was envious of other kids who had the newest and coolest toys. They basically had the things I wished I had but were out of reach at the time.
Envy is something natural as it's part of being human. For some people, envy might be their main motivation in life. They see other people with great car and house so they decided that they want the same thing. Envy isn't necessarily a bad thing but it can blind people in their journey.
Let's use the great house and car as an example. What if the family purchasing those items are now heavily in debt? They could have borrowed a ton of money from the bank along with accumulating a bunch of credit card debt. If this family is paying the minimum amount each month, they would take forever to pay it off as the amount of interest they pay at the end is quite staggering.
The issue with envy is that people are too focused on being like someone else. They want the life of luxury presented by these other people. First, they are blinded from seeing what's needed to make such a lifestyle reality. Can you imagine living a life where you worry about if you can make the monthly payments? Too many people nowadays are living beyond their means and their debt accumulates each year until they are slave to their debts.
Secondly, envy blinds you from knowing what you want to achieve. In our society, success is commonly associated with owning a great house and car. What ends up happening is, if they get those, they might discover they aren't happy since they get plenty of debt in the process. Of course, these are also material things where, if a person is only focused on them, they will be compensating in other areas and feel unfulfilled in life.
Envy is natural and just shows that we are human beings. We shouldn't be too focused on what other people have since we have our own path. Trying to gain what other people have makes us walk further from the situation we truly want to be in. We have different definition of success and different methods to get there. Don't let your envy determine how you want to see yourself.
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Habit
We all have our habits, both the good and the bad. We know that good habits are hard to come by while the bad habits are the easiest to do. To sleep in and to procrastinate are two of the most common bad habits we have. Good habits like going to the gym daily require a lot more work and lots of discipline to get them established.
Good habits are hard to accomplish but they are good for our wellbeing or even our success. Most of us heard about the three months needed to establish a good habit. We need to do the same thing continuously for every single day for it to become a habit. For instance, you probably need three months of going to the gym daily before it simply becomes a part of your routine as opposed to this chore you force yourself into doing.
Bad habits are so easy to get and very difficult to get rid of. Take me for example. I have procrastination which is one of the worst habits to have. People like me usually delay and plan on doing something the next day. The thing about life is that opportunities don't come back the very next day. If you missed it, it's forever out of reach. I know this and the push to stop procrastination has been an uphill battle.
Habits also say something about the person. If the person has a lot of bad habits, they have been taking the easy way out. I'm not here to judge anyone since I was no different. I also see bad habits as one of the reason why school or work isn't going as well as they did. I thought I had plenty of time so I kept procrastinating at school. Now, I realized that I have this timebomb ticking down and, unless I make changes soon, things will go further downhill.
Since habits define who we are, we want to have many good habits. Having multiple good habits means you are better disciplined than those who have fewer good habits. This sort of discipline sees you better focused on your goals without giving in or getting distracted. It's far better getting disciplined now and enjoy life later than taking the easy route now and regretting later in life.
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Work
Work is what we need to pay for our expenses. After graduation from high school and/or post-secondary, you'll be spending most of your time working. It's a big part of your life so it's natural you want to do more than just tolerate it. From my personal experience, I've done a lot of part-time work while I was attending school. I had some jobs that were really pushing my tolerance for them so I wanted to leave as soon as possible.
First, you should enjoy the work at least to a certain extent. For example, you might be doing customer service. You should at least enjoy the interaction with the customers so work doesn't seem that bad and passes relatively quickly. If even customer interaction, possibly the main portion of your duties, is awful, then most days are terrible, if not worse should something happen with one of the coworkers.
Secondly, you must also feel like you're making progress at work. You don't want to go to work knowing what will happen and what you'll accomplish before even starting. At this point, work feels like a chore and most people, including me, don't look forward to doing chores at all. These make work so dull that you never want to go to work and would go to any lengths to avoid it without getting fired.
My worst job experience was at a fast food restaurant. Much of it was pretty miserable where my shift began before the restaurant opened. I was there to do prep work and, with us being shorthanded a lot of the time, it gets real tough to meet the deadlines. The only upside was being cashier but I was rarely assigned that. The management wasn't great either so not enough pros to even rival the cons.
I was going there feeling like I'm headed nowhere. It's a fast food restaurant where the only future seem to be becoming a manager at the restaurant. I'm not saying it's a bad job but it's simply not one that could bring out my full potential. When I left, it was such a relief and I know I won't ever look back at it with regret. I probably regretted not leaving any sooner honestly.
If you are searching for a job, you need to find one you enjoy and/or see a great future for yourself. There's nothing worse in life than getting a job you hate which gets you nowhere in life due to limited career options. I couldn't imagine myself working at the fast food restaurant full-time for the rest of my life so I cannot imagine how people do a job they hate as a living.
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I want to elaborate on finding work you enjoy. This usually involves finding work related to your hobby or interests. If you enjoy programming, you can go into website design or game designing. If you are into photography, you could work for a magazine or a newspaper. There are lots of opportunities out there but you definitely have to search for it.
Some of these jobs might appear sparse but you need to work for it if you want to land such a job. When we are determined, we will eventually find what we are searching for. Perseverance and determination along with the belief you can succeed will yield the success you sought after. Such opportunities are attracted to those who really want it. It's a bit like the "ask and you may receive."
You must know what you are asking for. Therefore, you must narrow down to what you actually want. Being vague usually gets you nowhere since it could include multiple possibilities, several of which aren't even related to what you have in mind. Asking alone isn't enough as you must work towards it. Afterwards, it never hurts to ask nicely.
It's not always possible to find a job related to your hobby whenever you want to. In the meantime, you have the option of finding a job where you help other people out. When we help people out and get a smile out of them, this seems like a nice reward in itself. Just as negativity spreads, positivity also spreads so, as you make more people happy, you get that in return. If you made four people smile, the joy you feel will match the combined joy of those four people.
In our society, we are too focused on ourselves. We wonder how we can make ourselves happy and feel fulfilled. The irony is that we often need to give if we want to be happy. I'm not talking about giving physical things like money or gifts. At times, a simple gesture of greeting someone or asking someone distressed if they are alright. Even if you cannot solve the problem, the act showing that someone cares can go a long way for those lonely souls.
When helping others, you may never see the end result but, as long as you know you are doing something that helps others indirectly, that knowledge alone will brighten your own mood. Considering how much time work occupy in our lives, we really should take extra steps to finding one that makes us happier and more fulfilled.
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I want to elaborate on finding work where you feel like you have a brighter future if you remained there. My example was the time when I worked at a fast food restaurant where I felt like I was getting nowhere in life. Essentially, I just go there to get a paycheck, pay my expenses and repeat that process over and over again. Nothing really happens in life as a result.
Nothing is worse than feeling like you're getting nowhere in life. You start to wonder if there's something more in life. We have this feeling because there is indeed something more. Regardless of what background and what education you have, people have incredible potential that just isn't easy to tap into. To tap into this potential, people must get out of their comfort zone and learn from the mistakes they make in life.
The safe and stable path is going to school, get a degree and get a job from that degree. Of course, it's questionable if this is safe or stable. Sure, you might get a job but a company might go bankrupt or need to cut cost. You could easily be let go by the company which sees you out of a job. We heard this often enough so where's the safety and stability people believe this path held?
Let's say you have worked at a company for 5 years and you heard about an opportunity. There's a new company led by an ambitious individual. No one knows if this company will succeed or not. If you had a family, you must take into consideration of their well-being. Yet, you must remember that, if you get let go after working several years for a company, you are left with nothing as well. If you are single, ambitious and your gut tells you to do it, there's really no downside in trying out this opportunity.
Even in the situation the company failed, the lessons you learned could be of some use in the future. For instance, you might want to start your own company. There are lots of opportunities out there and some are great learning experiences. Taking risks does reward those regardless of the outcome. Until we take risks and tap into our hidden potential, we will always have this feeling of us never really fulfilled as though we are missing something. Later in life, we have regrets as we wondered about all those opportunities we passed by due to hesitation.
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Loss
Loss can cover a lot of subjects so I want to cover the loss of a loved one for this entry. The cruel thing about life is that we don't know when our loved ones will be gone. They could encounter an accident, an illness or something we never saw coming. Losing such a special person leaves behind a void which we can never fill in.
The loss also leaves behind a scar that never really heals and it can act up to remind you of the loss. Yet, we, despite the uncertainty regarding the future and the fate of our loved ones, must learn to treasure our loved ones. Spend time and care about a loved ones are two of the best ways to show that we recognize what they have done for us so far.
It doesn't help that time passes in one which is forward. I know people who wished they could spend more time with their parents. In their pursuit of dreams and careers, they weren't able to spend much time until they got news of the deteriorating health of their parents. Then, it's basically an attempt to catch up what little time they had left.
The problem with catch up is that we only do so when there's not much time left. Of course, people are quite busy nowadays with life and some people have to move away from their loved ones. Finding time to talk once a month is still better than those who only have a chance to do so once every few years. If you get past the excuses and procrastination, you will find the time to visit.
When we lose a loved ones, we realized that there are many things we wanted to say and many things we wanted to do. Some of us even had promises we never managed to keep. Grief is overwhelming in itself so it only gets worse when you have all these regrets.
When loss of a loved one is something none of us could predict, we need to do what we can. We must walk a path with a few regrets as possible and not spend time with a loved ones could be some of our biggest regrets in life. Don't wait until it's too late to do what's right. We can live with fewer money in our bank account. We can go without a few vacations in life. We cannot turn back time hoping to get a second chance with people most precious to us.
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Losing a loved one isn't easy as it leaves behind a void as though we lost a part of ourselves. Naturally, the recovery from grief and the loss is never easy. It takes time. However, I don't like how people tell those people to just move on. I just don't like the term since it implies that you should forget about the past and don't ever revisit it.
I do emphasize that we shouldn't dwell on the past but we mustn't throw the past away. We have good memories with our loved ones which we most definitely should treasure with us. Those memories shaped us and made us who we on. Instead, I think we should move forward instead of move on. By that, I meant that we turn our focus on the present and future more often instead of only focusing on the present and future.
During our recovery, we do need to revisit the past. For instance, maybe the loved one we lost had a dream. If possible, we might want to make that dream come true. We might have also made a promise or promises to a loved one. Maybe we promised we would quit smoking or quit drinking and never managed to get to it. I don't think it's ever too late to keep these sort of promise.
The loss usually reminds us of our mortality. It reminds us that we don't have infinite time in life and we should do something in our lives. No one knows how much time he or she has left. Instead of fearing about when your end arrives, it's far better living everyday to its fullest. Do things you have been dreaming or thinking about but have yet to take action.
We all respond and recover differently from a loss. Just like everything else in life, we must learn how to cope with it from experience. Yet, we must never forget that there are still those with us. For example, a person losing his or her spouse might have children who needs caring. Remember those you lost but treasure those who are still with you.
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The last two entry has been rather gloomy so I hope to change things up a bit this entry. I will discuss about losing one's job. We probably all know someone who lost their job due to mismanagement, poor economy or cut costs in the company. This is very disruptive as the lifestyle you were so used to is suddenly at risk. You don't have the money to pay for the expenses resulting in a lot of pressure.
It's not a good feeling when you had a great life only to have everything gone since you cannot afford them anymore. Recovering from these situations isn't easy either since you aren't as young as before anymore. As a result, other companies don't see you as such a great asset when they had younger recruits they could pick from. Now, you are faced with unfavorable odds and the situation deteriorate very quickly.
I want to emphasize that knowledge is the great asset you can gain regardless of your age. An employer could take your job. A bank can take your home. All of these material things can be taken away from you and you can do nothing to stop them. Yet, nobody can take the knowledge you gained over the years that makes you more valuable than other people.
This knowledge isn't what you take from school. Schools teaches you the basic stuff for you to get out into the real world. Knowledge you acquire outside of school during your own time is what you can use to make yourself far more valuable in your field. There's so much information out there so it's not wise to absorb everything before you. Be picky on what you want to learn since our brain, like our computers, have a limited storage before it's overloaded.
Knowledge can be power if you seek out the right ones. If you want to start a company, read books written by those successful business people. Absorb the right knowledge and, regardless of what happens in the world, you will thrive more than other people. Sure, there are challenges along the way. Yet, you have fewer obstacles as the knowledge will get you through them more efficiently.
While we cannot get back the loved ones we lost, we can get back the material stuff that were taken from us during our financial struggles. Gain knowledge as it cannot be lost. Respect its power and use to the best you can. If given a choice between money and knowledge, take knowledge so you can use it to generate more money than you can ever imagine.
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We will be talking about loss of friends where they essentially no longer want to hang out with us. There are many paths we have to take and some of them are lonely. We won't have people there to support us. We won't have friends who are understanding and accept us for who are. Instead, we have friends who tells us that we cannot do it and we should give up.
These are people we generally want to stay away. By staying with them, their negative thoughts and beliefs also spread to you. Now, this doesn't make losing them any easier. Loneliness is tough. As a loner for my entire life, I know the emptiness when I have no one to talk to regarding anything. It seems like I'm just wandering aimlessly as I struggle to find my future.
The path of loneliness does have its benefits. It teaches us how to become more confident and more independent. For instance, I liked group projects in high school where I can do what I'm comfortable with while others could do what they're comfortable with. As a result, I'm not getting out of my comfort zone and, in a world that's constantly changing, I'm basically falling behind due to a lack of skill sets needed to make me a success.
We must also remember that loneliness is temporary. There are so many people out there and nobody can stop us from making new friends. Sure, you can be an introvert like me but that's just an excuse. As we do what we enjoy and love, we will find people who have something in common with us. Then, we don't even need to go out of our way to make friends. The friendship just forms naturally without those awkward moments. We all had moments where we clicked with a person we knew almost nothing about. These connections do exist.
Remember that losing friends isn't the end of the world. Those people aren't worth your time and effort. If they are your true friends, they won't abandon you during the toughest parts of your life. If you stop seeing them results in them not contacting you again, it's a good sign that you need better friends. Better friends are out there but they won't just show up. You must go on the journey you are meant for and, along the way, you will find them. Essentially, you are losing the bad friends to make room for good friends.
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